Things One Learns in a Year When Living in Stark Tower
by timeywimeylady
Summary: The Avengers learn some important and frankly hilarious things while living together. It's time we found out what those lessons are. GEN
1. Beware of anything electronic

**Things One Learns in a Year When Living in Stark Tower.**

**1. Beware of anything electronic (seriously, anything).**

Steve is still not used to the 21st century with all its new technology.

There are touch screen cell phones that are too small for his fingers so can't text like Tony taught him too. There are huge flat screen televisions connect to their Blu-ray players and their 7 speaker sound systems all of which have separate remotes with tiny little buttons that are impossible to read. There's the internet with Facebook and Twitter and whatnot. People are constantly talking but saying nothing at the same time. People claim to have over a thousand friends at yet they seem more alone than they did during his time. It was all too confusing.

To make things even more confusing Steve is living in Stark Tower, the most technologically advanced building in the world, which current houses a certain genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist, his science bro (as Clint likes to call Bruce), a god of thunder, an archer, and deadly assassin. It seems as if the Tower was built to include every possible piece of technology that would make Steve's (and Thor's) life more difficult. He also had Tony "upgrading" anything he could get his hands on when he was bored, which was often.

Today Steve is sitting on the balcony, sketching the New York City skyline. The Tower is quiet behind him with Thor on a date with Jane and Clint and Natasha on a mission for Fury. Only Tony and Bruce are left but they are both in their respective labs doing some very sciency and important things according to Tony. Steve moves from his spot on the edge of the balcony to sit down on one of the seats. It was a seemingly simple reclining lawn chair, but once Steve relaxed into the seat he heard a voice.

"My, aren't you attractive. Your body is exquisite."

"What was that? Who's there? Jarvis who is that?" says the Captain while leaping from the chair onto the balcony.

"Now calm down, I just wanted to tell you that you have an extremely firm behind. It's quite nice."

"It seems that Mr. Stark thought it would be appropriate to give the chair sentience." says Jarvis in an amused tone to an increasingly bewildered Steve.

"The chair is sentient." says Steve in a voice of disbelief. "A sentient chair is verbally molesting me. Why is a sentient chair verbally molesting me?"

"I do not know, Mr. Rogers. Perhaps you should ask Mr. Stark."

"I'm not really sure that I want to know the answer..."


	2. Clint is not actually a bird

**2. Clint is not actually a bird (except when he is).**

It was another quiet night in Stark Tower when Tony came up from his lab. It was maybe something like three in the morning but time doesn't really mean much to a genius like Tony, neither does sleep for that matter. There was no one else up that he could tell, so he went to the kitchen to get more coffee (because coffee is the answer to everything).

As Tony reached for a mug he heard a noise. He paused for a moment straining his ears to hear if anything was amiss. There was total silence except for the normal hum that the tower gives off. Still, something felt a little off. Tony continued to make his coffee while simultaneously listening for any new noise.

There. He heard it again. It seemed to be coming from the ceiling...

Tony debated. He could ask Jarvis to scan the ceiling for any life forms, but that would require him actually saying something out loud and give away his knowledge. On the other hand, Tony could try and throw something at the ceiling and see if anything happens; a much more risky choice but with the added bonus of the element of surprise. Tony had decided his course of action by the time he finished making his coffee. He was much more of a take-a-unnecessary-risk-because-it's-more-interesting type of guy than a let's-take-the-least-amount-of-risk-so-that-I-don't-die type of guy.

Now where did the noise come from...It sounded like it came from near the hallway which would means whatever is there is in the air vents. Interesting.

Tony grabbed a spatula off the counter of the kitchen and threw it at the part of the ceiling in which the noise originated from with as much force as his (sexy and amazing physique) could give. The results were interesting, to say the least.

First there was a thump against the ceiling, quickly followed by a particularly strong string of curse woods in a very familiar voice...

"Barton, what the fuck are you doing in my ceiling?!"

"Um, you know...just hanging around..." responded Clint in a nervous sort of voice.

"Why aren't you sleeping like everyone else, and how did you get up there?"

"It's a secret."

"Of course it is." said Tony with a sigh. There was an awkward pause before Clint dropped down from the air vent into the kitchen.

"Look. I'm sorry if I scared you, but sometimes I need to hide away."

"And the ceiling is a good place to do it?"

"Well yeah. It's high up, and it's not like anyone else is going to be up there." Tony stared at him for a moment.

"Huh. Well I'm going to go to bed. Try not to creep on anyone else until at least the morning. Night!"

A few days later, Tony called Clint to the balcony. Tony didn't really explain what was going on, but really, when has he actually ever explained anything clearly? It's much easier to just show him. The only thing that was said was "Follow me." Clint did as he was told because he had to admit to himself he was curious as to what was going on.

Tony climbed up a new ladder on the side of the Tower onto the true roof of the building, and then made a grand hand sweeping gesture as if to say _voila_. On the roof was a new room. It seemed rather small. Clint gave a questioning look to Tony.

"Go ahead. Go in." and so Clint did.

Inside the room was a extremely soft and fluffy looking carpet as well as some pillows and more blankets. There was also a new TV mounted on one of the walls.

"I figured if you were resorting to creeping in the ceiling to find a space where you could be away I could make you a better one. Feel free to bring whatever you want up here. It's your space."

"I- Thank you, Tony." Tony looked uncomfortable for a second. He wasn't used to showing people that he cared

"No problem. Before I go I have to add one more thing."

Tony grabbed a sign that was sitting on the floor outside the room, covered in a clothe. He attached it to the door then beat a hasty retreat.

"See you later, Birdbrain!" said Tony as he was climbing down the ladder.

Clint turned to look at the sign. It said "Hawkeye's Nest (Designed by the Amazing and Talented Tony Stark)."

WTF.

"_TONY!_"

A/N: Take about writer's block. That's never actually happened before. Ugh. Anyway, please leave reviews! Also, if you have any good ideas for this series let me know! I want this to be as long as possible so I'll do my best to fit the idea in if I can come up with a good story to go along with it.

BTW Happy New Year!


	3. Don't mess with Bruce's tea Ever

**3. Don't mess with Bruce's tea. Ever.**

It was a calm and seemingly normal day at Stark Tower in New York. The sun was shining with not a cloud in the sky. No one would have predicted the horror (to Tony) that would fall upon this day. This day that every member of Stark Tower will remember forever.

It all started with Tony, as things usually do.

He had been in his lab all night upgrading his flight stabilizer system for his suit, while making new daggers for Natasha and new arrows for Clint. He even made a new material that could possibly be used in Steve's costume; it would have to be tested further. At about 5 am Tony ran out of coffee. He has to have more coffee, Tony can never be without his beloved coffee ("It's a crime against the UNIVERSE!"

"Calm down, Tony")

He climbed up the stairs into the kitchen, hoping there would magically be some coffee already made, fresh and hot. Sadly, it was not so. He went to the cupboards to look for more coffee beans.

There were none.

There was no more coffee. How is there no more coffee? THERE IS ALWAYS COFFEE IN THIS HOUSE.

Tony panicked for about half a minute and then thought, what is a good coffee substitute? Soda? Yes, it has caffeine, but the taste and texture is all wrong. He wants something warm and smooth. Hot chocolate would work but there's no caffeine. Tea! Tea works!

Tony goes back to the cupboard and finds the box that Bruce always uses. It's his favorite so it must not be that bad. And Bruce wouldn't mind if he took some, right? I mean, sure his alter ego is the Hulk, but when he's not the Hulk he's one of the most mild mannered people Tony has ever met. It'll be fine. Tony puts water in the kettle and waits for the water to boil before pouring the water into his favorite mug with the tea bag. He waits about a minute and then removes the tea bag and takes a sip. It's not bad. Deciding that he did enough work for the day or night (whatever) he finishes the tea and goes to bed.

About two hours later Bruce wakes up and heads to the kitchen to have his morning cup of tea. His project was not going as smoothly as he hoped it would, but no matter, he would figure it out eventually. For Bruce, the morning cup of tea was the most important part of the day. It woke him up nicely and got his mind going on the problems of the day while simultaneously relaxing him (Relaxation is a very important part of his life as you can probably guess). When he reached the kitchen he noticed that his box of teabags was already out and the kettle was on the counter. His vision flared green. Someone had touched the tea.

_Someone drank his tea._

Who would be up this early and drink his tea? Steve is always up but he's never touched it before. Clint and Natasha are on a mission again, and Thor went to visit Jane. Tony. It has to be Tony, he's the only one left. Bruce took a deep breath to calm down and made his tea. He wondered. What would be an appropriate punishment...

A few hours later Tony woke up from his nap. He stretched his back like a cat and then decided he would take a shower. A minute after the shower was finished there came a blood curdling yell. Steve, who had been in the living room relaxing, ran to the bathroom.

"Tony! What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"NO! I am not alright! Who the hell changed my shampoo?!" Steve looked confused.

"What happened to your hair, Tony?"

"THIS is what happened to _my hair_." Tony pulled the door open and pointed to his head. Steve instantly burst out laughing.

"STOP LAUGHING. THIS IS NOT FUNNY."

"Yes it is. How is this not funny? _Your hair is green_."

"Shut. Up."

It was at that moment that Bruce walked in. He took one look at Tony's hair and smiled.

"How do you like my alteration to your shampoo?"

"YOU. You did this? WHY?"

"You drank my tea." Bruce then turned and left the room. Steve and Tony stood there silently.

When Thor, Clint, and Natasha returned, Tony's hair was still green. Clint couldn't be in the same room as Tony without laughing.

The hair dye lasted for two weeks.

No one dared to touch Bruce's tea again.


	4. Don't bother hiding She will find you

**4. Don't bother hiding, she will find you. aka even Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropists and Super Soldiers can scream like little girls.**

The thing is Natasha is actually a really nice person...sometimes. When Bruce came down with a bad cold she made him tea and watched movies with him all day, when Clint gets injured she remembers to not hit him as hard as she usually does, and most of the time she listens to what others have to say. She's never actually hurt any member of the team (including Tony though it's been a near thing) just threatened to with her very scary eyes.

It's all fine. Her fellow Avengers are used to her...mostly. The only problem is her habit of being completely silent, _all the time. _ Seriously, no one can hear her coming except for Barton sometimes, but that's just when he's really trying. She likes to sneak up on Tony, especially when he hasn't had any coffee yet.

His reaction is priceless.

Mostly because he screams like a little girl, _every single time._ He jumps, screams, and drops whatever he's holding, which is usually mug of just brewed coffee.

Tony's tried to get Jarvis to warn him when she would come near, but it seems that the AI was getting far too much amusement out of the whole thing to prevent the situation from happening again (TRAITOR).

Steve hasn't really had a problem with it. Natasha never "attacks" when Tony is actually doing something important or slightly dangerous, so no one's lives have ever been put in danger. Besides, Tony's reactions were just too hilarious, and it's not like she tries to scare Bruce or anyone else so it's fine. Tony would just have to deal.

Steve's opinion would stay that way until one night, when everything changed.

Steve was just minding his own business, making himself food at 2 am. The Tower was quiet and considering the time of night Steve felt that it was safe to assume that no one else was awake.

He doesn't need much sleep with the serum, so he ends up being awake at odd hours wondering the Tower and sometimes the city. It was raining at the moment so he decided it would be best to stay inside, even if there's nothing to do.

Once Steve finished making himself some eggs and bacon he went over to the coach to watch some television. It's amazing the kind of shows one can find when one has over a thousand channels. That night he settled on Duck Dynasty. The program went on without incident. By the end of the show Steve had become somewhat tired and decided to go back to bed. There was nothing else to do anyway.

He put his plate and cup into the sink to wash in the morning, and went down the hall towards his bedroom. His eyes were half closed, and he wasn't really paying attention until a voice said, "Hey, Cap."

Steve startled and realized that the voice belonged to the resident genius. He appeared to be just leaving his lab. Tony was a mess. His hair was sticking up in every direction, like bed head but worse due to the fact that he would run his greasy fingers through it when he was frustrated. Tony's shirt and ratty jeans were also covered in grease, and he had hand prints all over himself.

"Hey, Tony. Going to bed I hope?"

"Soon. I just have to finish a few things on the suit and I'm good."

"Alright, well, see you tomor- er, later today."

It was at that moment that something dropped out of the sky (or ceiling, probably ceiling) right in between Tony and Steve. Both had immediate reactions.

Tony screamed like a little girl and fell backwards onto his butt. Steve _also_ screamed like a little girl, but then went into attack mode and went to punch the person who came out of nowhere. Luckily, Natasha is very good at dodging punches. After dodging said punch Natasha promptly bends over and starts laughing in her silent and creepy way.

"JARVIS please tell me there is a record of that."

"Of course, Ms. Romanov."

"Give access to the video to all the Avengers, but don't allow them to share the it with anyone else."

"Yes, ma'am."

And so the story goes. Somewhere in the depths of Tower's servers is a video of both Iron Man and Captain America screaming like little girls, so when someone is feeling down and in need of a good laugh they can relax in front of a screen and watch the video to their hearts delight.

And Tony can't find where the video is hidden so he can't delete it. Damn it.

A/N Hey, guys! Sorry for the super long delay. School tends to get in the way of things. Anyway, like always, I would love it if you reviewed. It would make me as happy as the Doctor with a fez (which in case you didn't know is really happy)


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